你能写出更好的文章吗?(英文)

火柴_天堂

To really give up a relationship, one must forget what he/she had given and stop giving.

朕乃皇上

看了前面几行 我就觉得有点问题了
首先，but 不可以做为１个句子的开端

darksider

原帖由 朕乃皇上 于 13-12-2006 12:32 AM 发表
看了前面几行 我就觉得有点问题了
首先，but 不可以做为１个句子的开端

but is co-ordinating conjunction.We use conjunction to link words and phrases.You can also use but/for as preposition

The first  function of co-ordinating conjunction is to join two main clause that a writer want to emphasis equally,
Main clause+,+coordinating conjunction,+main clause.

But,you can start each sentence with coordinating conjunction.
Some teacher may tell you that you can't begin your sentence with coordinating conjunction,because they because they are trying to help you avoid writing fragments(incomplete sentence).This is always their preference.

What you should remember is that you break no grammar rule if you begin a sentence with a coordinating conjunction. Because you might be breaking your instructors' rules, however, you should ask what their preferences are.

If you decide to begin a sentence with a coordinating conjunction, keep these three things in mind:

Be sure that a main clause follows the coordinating conjunction.

Do not use a coordinating conjunction to begin every sentence. Use this option only when it makes the flow of your ideas more effective.

Do not use a comma after the coordinating conjunction. Coordinating conjunctions are not transitional expressions like for example or first of all. You will rarely use punctuation after them.


Here are some examples: (taken from other website)

While I was answering the telephone, Buster, my cat, jumped onto the kitchen counter and swatted all of my jalapeño-stuffed olives onto the floor. So I had to rinse off the cat hair and breadcrumbs sticking to these delicacies before I could add them to the salad.

Flying down the bumpy path, Genette hit a rock with the front wheel of her mountain bike, flew over the handlebars, and crashed into a clump of prickly palmetto bushes. Yet even this accident would not deter her from completing the race.

Only when an interrupter immediately follows the coordinating conjunction do you need to use commas. Read this example:

We hoped that decorating the top of Christine's cupcake with a dead grasshopper would freak her out. But, to our amazement, she just popped the whole thing in her mouth, chewed, and swallowed.

[ 本帖最后由 darksider 于 13-12-2006 08:10 AM 编辑 ]

朕乃皇上

Most students and working majority do not like Mondays in particular. Literally, the reason for this is that they have to resume to work or to school on Mondays, and most people are not entirely satisfied with a short weekend break. As such, a new term 'Mondays blue' was born. As the words suggest, the term simply means that Mondays create an unpleasant and depressing mood for certain people.

写１段好了
因为觉得后面的超pointless

zomok酱 表笑我
很９没写做文鸟
表笑人家
就酱

[ 本帖最后由 朕乃皇上 于 13-12-2006 08:43 AM 编辑 ]

朕乃皇上

原帖由 darksider 于 13-12-2006 07:58 AM 发表


but is co-ordinating conjunction.We use conjunction to link words and phrases.You can also use but/for as preposition

The first  function of co-ordinating conjunction is to join two main cl ...

oh cool i never knew these before!

rebin

原帖由 chingfong85 于 11-12-2006 02:48 AM 发表


wouldn't??
couldn't??

我也不太清楚。我记得老师曾说过当问一个人可以以COULDN'T 做开头，不管是PRESENT TENSE还是PAST TENSE。

WOULDN'T是指PAST TENSE,PRESENT的话是WON'T？

原帖由 朕乃皇上 于 13-12-2006 08:20 AM 发表
Most students and working majority do not like Mondays in particular. Literally, the reason for this is that they have to resume to work or to school on Mondays, and most people are not entirely sa ...

想不到皇上也会在这里出现。

你的“做文”弄到我想笑下。

欢迎皇上大驾光临....圣上英明,请赐教

火柴_天堂,我其实是要说"如果真想结束一段关系,你就必须不计较曾经付出多少并且不要再为他/她付出了"但我不知道如和表达...
但还是谢谢你的文章,说真的我每次都好期待你的文章哦

rebin兄,我已经尽力了,但还是无法摆脱以华语词句的结构性来篇写英文.谢谢你帮我更改了我文章的grammar

朕乃皇上

原帖由 rebin 于 14-12-2006 03:11 AM 发表



我也不太清楚。我记得老师曾说过当问一个人可以以COULDN'T 做开头，不管是PRESENT TENSE还是PAST TENSE。

WOULDN'T是指PAST TENSE,PRESENT的话是WON'T？



想不到皇上也会在这里出现。

你的“做 ...

表笑人家英文差
我按你报告的

朕乃皇上

Our IT department will delete the entire scanning document store in the Toshiba machine at general office on 7th Dec 2006 (Thrusday) 9am. Please save the entire necessary document to your computer to avoid any losing for your value information. Sorry for any inconvenience cause.

The purpose for our action it is because the memory of the Toshiba machine is lack of memory space, and some irresponsible user do not delete their document on Toshiba Machine after transfer the document to their own computer. Since the document become more and more, the machine cannot function well and always occur some unexpected error. This matter not only decrease the productivity and efficiency, it is wasting company resource as well.

We hope that everyone can co-operate with our IT Department and your understanding will be high appreciated. Thank you.

Attention to all staffs,

Please note that IT Department will perform a disk cleaning on the Toshiba machine on Thursday, 7th Dec 2006, at 9am. The decision was made due to the fact that  the scanned documents in the shared folder are using much of the system's hard disk space, and this has thus greatly reduced the performance of the entire system.

All staffs are reminded to keep a copy of their own documents to avoid unnecessary data loss. Your cooperation is very much appreciated, and apologies for any inconveniences caused.

Thank you.

Yours sincerely,
SANINENE

The Manager,
IT Deparment



[ 本帖最后由 朕乃皇上 于 15-12-2006 09:59 AM 编辑 ]

朕乃皇上

Since the first day we come to this world until we leave the world, one thing it cannot be missing in our short life span time, it is love. When people fall in love, it is really a sweet moment. But the much sweetest of the love, the more pain you get when the love is over. When love is end, normally one or both of them try hard to go out from the relationship, but why finally they fall deeper?

Love is an element so important in human's life. From newborn to the last moment of our life, love is all around us . Love is sweet yet complicated, enchanting yet delicate. Love brightens one's life but when it leaves, the pain is sorrowful.

表酱
后面的想不到
表酱p４我

[ 本帖最后由 朕乃皇上 于 15-12-2006 10:14 AM 编辑 ]

rebin

原帖由 朕乃皇上 于 15-12-2006 09:42 AM 发表

表笑人家英文差
我按你报告的

我是讲你的“做文”写错鸟。是作文。

朕乃皇上

原帖由 rebin 于 15-12-2006 10:36 AM 发表



我是讲你的“做文”写错鸟。是作文。

我华文差 被你花现

近日来，因为南马水灾和台湾大地震造成无法上网 ，正是带糟了，这是为新的文章，希望大家能多多指教。。。

This few week, the south area at Malaysia especially Johor was faced a  natural disaster, a serious flood. Since the day I born until year 2007, this is the first time I face a disaster its seriously effect my life. What happen for our earth?

The earth like try to give us some warning because human unlimited destroy its. Human keep to fell the forest, to set free too much carbon dioxide its seriously ruining the ozone layer, human destructive power is totally over any living thing in the earth. Nowsaday, whole world climate is much higher than 20 years ago, and keep increaing time to time. New disease appear and infect human, most of the animal extinct because of the greenhouse effect, a lot of ocean creature die out because the temperture of the ocean is increae.

Most of the people do not aware the signal is given by the earth, because its not really effect our life, but if human keep destroy the earth because development or economy benefit, human will be the next creature whom going to extinct.

xuenn

原帖由 stanley225 于 7-1-2007 01:20 PM 发表
近日来，因为南马水灾和台湾大地震造成无法上网 ，正是带糟了，这是为新的文章，希望大家能多多指教。。。

This few week, the south area at Malaysia especially Johor was faceda  natural disaster, a serious flood. Since the day I born until year2007, this is the first time I face a disaster its seriously effect mylife. What happen for our earth?

The earth like try to give us some warning because human unlimiteddestroy its. Human keep to fell the forest, to set free too much carbondioxide its seriously ruining the ozone layer, human destructive poweris totally over any living thing in the earth. Nowsaday, whole worldclimate is much higher than 20 years ago, and keep increaing time totime. New disease appear and infect human, most of the animal extinctbecause of the greenhouse effect, a lot of ocean creature die outbecause the temperture of the ocean is increae.

Most of the people do not aware the signal is given by the earth,because its not really effect our life, but if human keep destroy theearth because development or economy benefit, human will be the nextcreature whom going to extinct.

Recently, the southern parts of Malaysia (ecspecially Johor) were devastated by a  flood. Since the day I was borned, I have never faced a disaster as bad as this, ecspecially when I'm a Johorian. What has happened to our earth?

The Earth constantly gives out warnings as human continues to destroy its resources. By chopping down forests, more and more carbon dioxides are released to the air, thinning down the ozone layer. We have the most destructive power amongst any living creature in Earth. As a result,we are experiencing climate changes much higher than 20 years ago, and today, our climate is still rising. More and more diseases are coming out from nowhere killing thousands,extinctions of animals and marine life due to the increase of oceanic temperature---aren't these signs clear enough a warning?

Most of us are not aware of the signals given out by the earth, because it doesn't affect our life directly, but if the destruction continues, WE will be the next one to extinct.

改了很多，希望别介意

Reader Digest,it's entitled "Family Words Finder"
请问这本书哪里有的买呢？大概多少钱？真的对我们有帮助的吗？

darksider

原帖由 sning 于 7-1-2007 02:47 PM 发表
Reader Digest,it's entitled "Family Words Finder"
请问这本书哪里有的买呢？大概多少钱？真的对我们有帮助的吗？

it's a thesaurus,i have bought with rm150 through ordering online.
If you want to write a good essay,you need a GOOD THESAURUS.

改的越多越好,这样我就能看到两篇内容相近的文章但可以有更好的表达方式...谢谢您xuenn

从您的文章我学到了不少词汇....获益匪浅...

benedict_me

楼主的这帖很棒...我也偷学了很多呵呵

原帖由 stanley225 于 7-1-2007 01:20 PM 发表
This few week, the south area at Malaysia especially Johor was faceda  natural disaster, a serious flood. Since the day I born until year2007, this is the first time I face a disaster its seriously effect mylife. What happen for our earth?

It was widely published in the local newspapers about the massive flood situation in the southern part  of  Malaysia.  This is the first time I experienced such a severe natural calamity and it traumatize me greatly. What's happenning to our earth?

花了很久写一段...多多指教


The earth is likely to give us some warning as been gradually destroyed by human. (As a result)carbondioxide its seriously ruining the ozone layer, human destructive poweris totally over any living thing in the earth. (Nowadays), the worldwideclimate has increase and worsen compare to 20 years ago . New diseases appear and infect human, some animal extinctbecause of the greenhouse effect, lots of ocean creature die outbecause of the (不会怎么写...>< )

Most of the people was not aware the signal is given by the earth(global warming??),because its not really effect our life directly, but if human keep destroy theearth because development or economy benefit, human will be the nextcreature whom going to extinct.

照我的能力改了一些（我知道我的程度也不好）
一起学

[ 本帖最后由 benedict_me 于 8-1-2007 11:15 PM 编辑 ]

Jasminefow

我把主题高亮显示
希望大家能够好好利用主题"切磋切磋"



凡是有用心协助网友的将会被奖励＾＾

例如：
依照所给的文章写出更好的文章

火柴_天堂

多谢版主加分...

Heavy rains had caused serious flood in peninsular Malaysia in the past few weeks, especially Johor, the southernmost state. This was my first encounter with a natural disaster of such scale which had seriously affected my life. What is happening to our earth?

(note: affect = verb, effect = noun)

Natural disasters are the earth's warning to mankind as a result of their reckless activities that destroy the nature. Deforestation coupled with industrialisation had caused too much carobon dioxide to be released into the atmosphere, depleting the ozone layer, resulting in global warming. Human beings are undoubtedly the most destructive creature in the world.

Global warming had resulted in ever increasing temperature over the past 20 years. Diseases unheard of in the past had turned into an epidemic. Animals extinct due to the loss of habitat.

Most people are oblivion to these warning as they have failed to understand the seriousness of the problem. If mankind cannot strike balance between nature preservation and economic development, they will be next creature going extinct.