英语笑话

ju87

#21: Meow
A company wanted to hire a fast typist. Soon after posting the position on a job posting site, a dog showed up at the doorstep for an interview. Although the interviewers frowned at the idea of hiring a dog to fill this position, they gave him an interview anyways.

In the interview, the dog was asked to type out a 2,000 word document within 5 minutes, which he did so effortlessly with a minute or two to spare. Failing to arrive at a reason to reject him for the job, one of the interviewers said, "Although it is not listed on the job requirements, we actually need a typist who is bilingual." To which the dog murmured, "Meow."

ju87

#22: How to turn it on?
A guy was pulled over by a cop for speeding. The cop came over to the driver's side, took out his notebook, and noticed that the person had a radar detector installed in the vehicle. Driven by curiosity, he inquired, "Is this thing broken or something? It could have got you outta trouble." The driver, in a feeble tone, bleated, "Sorry officer, how do you turn this thing on?"

ju87

＃23: A jealous wife
There was once a wife who was so jealous that when her husband came home at night, and she didn't smell any perfume on his shirt, she yelled at him, "Great, so now you're cheating on me with a cheap woman!"

The following day, when she couldn't find any hair on his shirt, she yelled again by saying, "She's not only cheap, but she's bald too!"

dugong

#24: AAABBBBBBDDDDDAAAAAFFFGGGGHHHHRRRReEEEEQQQQQQQPPPP...
Long time no see ("C")

ju87

#25: Donations
A member of the red cross approached a very rich lawyer. He is concerned that the lawyer made over $1,000,000 last year but didn't donate even a single dime to a charity.

"First of all", says the lawyer, "my mom is sick and dying in the hospital, and she is not covered by health care. Second, I have five kids through three divorces. Third, my brother has just recently filed for chapter 11, and he is heavy in debt..."

"I am terribly sorry and feel bad about asking for money", says the Red Cross man.

The lawyer responds, "Yeah, well if I'm not giving them any money, why should I give you any?"

风满楼

回复 25# ju87

这个不错。

ju87

回复 26# 风满楼

谢谢。


Pilot: "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to turn the fasten seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay clear from the wings as walking on them may affect flight patterns"

ju87

After a rough landing, this nice old gentleman sitting beside me brightened, "See! I told that o' hag at home that I won't need no life insurance to ride this thingy"

KhunKaew

哈哈，不错哦，继续加油！

ju87

A start to an end, an end to a start,
whence counts the twilight ocean stars?

ju87

Upon landing, while the passengers busied themselves with all the packing and such, the pilot announced the following message over the loudspeakers: "The last one off the plane must clean it"

And all hell broke loose.

ju87

A reporter was interviewing an old Norwegian merchantman skipper, asking him how it was in the Atlantic war.

"Vell," said the old guy, "vee used to outrun deire torpedoes and sink dem when dey surface for oxygen. Ya, vee used to shoot dem German fokkers with dee 37mm flak guns"

"For the benefit of our viewers," interrupted the reporter, "we should explain that the term 'fokker' refers to a specific type of German submarine."

"Vell ya," said the old Norwegian skipper, "but doose fokkers were U-boats"

柯男

我也有一个
Tomb Sweeping Festival or Ching Ming Festival. But many people think that it is hard for foreigner to understand "tomb-sweeping", so it is better to choose the second choice.

There is a funny conversation:

有一外籍英文老師問： "What is Ching Ming Festival?"（什麼是清明節？）
天才學生回答："It is time for us to visit our ancestor." （那是給我們 "探望" 我們的祖先）
老師："What a terrible festival.....$@#$!@" （多可怕的節日....）